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post #15 of (permalink) Old 01-18-2010, 09:02 PM
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loosen oil plug, drain oil, unscrew and replace oil filter, changes oil plug washer with new one. tighten up, fill with oil. ....

Originally Posted by antichrist View Post
This is actually the correct way.

1. Get drain pan, place under drain plug on engine sump.
2. Loosen drain plug with a wrench (note: righty tighty lefty loosey)
3. Remove drain plug from oil pan.
4. Curse loudly because hot oil just ran up your arm and spewed all over the ground, splashing off the catalytic converter.
5. Wipe off hands with rag, being careful to not rip off the bits of skin torn loose when the wrench slipped in step 1.
6. Pour oil absorbant (stolen from cat litter bag when your wife isn't looking) on spilled oil.
7. Check if oil is finished draining.
8. Quickly slide pan back under drain plug, to catch the last bit, from where you shoved it when the oil first overshot the pan.
9. Put more cat litter down.
10. Replace drain plug.
11. Tighten
12. Remove drain plug again because you realize you forgot the copper washer.
13. Fish around in hot oil in the bottom of the pan for the washer.
14. Replace washer, replace drain plug.
15. Remove filter
16. Go in garage to look for filter wrench because you can't perform step 15
17. Go ask wife to go to autoparts store for filter wrench because you can't find yours and you're too oily to drive, and you don't want her seeing the cat litter stuck to your back.
18. Have a beer while you wait for your wife to come back.
19. Realize you don't have any oil.
20. Frantically call your wife's cell.
21. Go get ice to put on your foot you hurt kicking the Rover's wheel when you heard your wife's cell ringing in the kitchen.
22. Think of other option and quickly grab phone book, look up parts store number and dial frantically.
23. Put down the phone and rush outside when you hear your wife drive up, trying to act nonchalant when you ask her to turn around and go back for oil.
24. Ignore her rolling eyes as you carefully specify the exact brand and weight you want, giving her several other choices in case they are out of what you want, plus other stores to check.
25. Have a beer while you wait for your wife to come back.
26. Ignore the fact when she returns that she bought the store brand oil.
27. Remove the filter.
28. Use your daughters bike, yes, the one with the tassles on the grips, to bike to the store for an oil filter because you know better than to ask your wife to go again.
29. Have a beer when you get home to console yourself from the strange looks you got at the parts store.
30. Install new filter.
31. Add new oil.
32. Frantically replace drain plug because you missed step 14 because you couldn't be bothered to read the instructions. After all, you are a man.
31. Dump more cat litter on the ground since you'd moved the drain pain when looking for the washer.
32. Get owners manual because you've no idea how much oil it takes.
33. Try to wipe the oil smudges off the manual's pages.
34. Replace the oil filler cap, put tools away (hanging up filter wrench so you can find it next time).
35. Tell yourself you'll get it later when it falls off the hook and lands behind a cabinet, in spite of the fact you looked behind it and saw two filter wrenches.
36. Wipe the oil off your hands and go get a beer.
37. Try your best to look innocent as you hear your wife cursing the cat for tracking cat litter all over the house.
38. Sleep on sofa because your wife noticed the cat litter still stuck to your back.
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