25 reasons I owe my mother

[75series3]

>
>
> 1. My mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
> "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
> cleaning."
>
> 2. My mother taught me: RELIGION.
> "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
>
> 3. My mother taught me: TIME TRAVEL .
> "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
> next week!"
>
> 4. My mother taught me: LOGIC.
> " Because I said so, that's why."
>
> 5. My mother taught me: MORE LOGIC .
> "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going
> to the store with me."
>
> 6. My mother taught me: FORESIGHT.
> "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
>
> 7. My mother taught me: IRONY
> "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
>
> 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
> "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
>
> 9. My mother taught me: CONTORTIONISM.
> "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
>
> 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
> "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
>
> 11. My mother taught me: WEATHER .
> "This room of ! yours lo oks as if a tornado went through it."
>
> 12. My mother taught me: HYPOCRISY.
> "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
>
> 13. My mother taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
> "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
>
> 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
> "Stop acting like your father!"
>
> 15. My mother taught me: ENVY.
> "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
> have wonderful parents like you do."
>
> 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
> "Just wait until we get home."
>
> 17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING .
> "You are going to get it when you get home!"
>
> 18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE.
> "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
> way."
>
> 19. My mother taught me: ESP.
> "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
>
> 20. My mother taught me: HUMOR.
> "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
>
> 21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
> "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
>
> 22. My mother taught me: GENETICS.
> "I swear you're just like your father."
>
> 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
> "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
>
> 24. My ! mother t aught me: WISDOM .
> "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
>
> 25. And my favorite: My MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT JUSTICE
> "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

[WCURoverD90]

[XtremeMarine]

OMG, that was great. My mother used #13 on me my whole life. And I thought I was the ONLY one who had heard it. ROTFLMAO!