Anyone who has had a British car can appreciate Lucas jokes

[75series3]

● Why didn't the Germans bomb the Lucas plants during WWII? The Germans
considered Lucas an ally.
● The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
● Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden,
unexpected darkness".
● Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
● Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
● The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three
switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
● The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
● "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any
prob..."
● If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
● Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
● It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal
Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
● Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and
asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they
all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing
happens!"
● Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't
suck.
● Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had
trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
● Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.
● Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the
Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
● Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment:
check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise
around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy
servant."
● Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
● Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.
● In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC market,
but they discontinued the product when they couldn't make it leak oil.
● Why are there no skyscrapers in London? Lucas makes elevators
● Lucas Factory motto, put in a good day's work then home before dark.
● Why is there no death penalty in England? Lucas makes electric chairs.

[SCSL]

[roverX]

Originally Posted by 75series3

● In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC market, but they discontinued the product when they couldn't make it leak oil.

Hilarity ensues...

[xpower racer]

I didnt know there was a problem with Lucas parts. I'm glad I didnt just fork out for new indicator and wiper switches at £70. I got second hand Lucas ones instead for £20.

[roverX]

Originally Posted by xpower racer

I didnt know there was a problem with Lucas parts.

[Serg]

The check this out...

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eB...tem=4554570060

[DallasRover]

Originally Posted by Serg

The check this out...

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eB...tem=4554570060

Did you read the questions?

Q: I have a fourteen year old son named Lucas who I have caught several times in the back of the garage smoking. Can this item help him to respect a little firm parental intervention and aid him in smoking less...or even stopping altogether?
Jun-09-05
A: Part of the problem may be the fact that you named your son after the Prince Of Darkness. Mayhaps you should be happy that all you have caught him doing in the back of the garage is smoking! My suggestion is: since you already have spoiled him for life with his moniker, you search the 'Bay for a proper Little British Car to restore as a father-and-son project. That way, he'll have a way to fill the idle hours he'd have spent chasing girls had he been named Rocky or something more suitable. Plus, he'll learn first-handed how disgusting smoke can be. Alas, though, not with this unit, because whilst trying to photograph it for a spread in "Popular Ether Technology", it was unfortunately broken. Therefore, the auction must be terminated early. Thanks for the heartwarming interest!

[Serg]

Oh yeah... the questions are the best part.. that was a hilarious auction...