Denver Traffic Rules

[Funrover]

>
>
>1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is:
>"den-ver" not Denvah.
>
>2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
>Denver has its own version of traffic rules...the
>cars/truck with the loudest muffler goes next at a
>4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes
>after
>that. (Note: Blue-haired, green-haired or
>cranberry-haired ladies driving anything have right of
>way anytime.)
>
>3. To find anything in Denver it is required that you
>know Colfax and Broadway; the Alpha and Omega -- the
>beginning and the End.
>
>4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00 a.m.
>The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 p.m.
>Friday's rush hour starts at a random time on
>Thursday.
>
>5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be
>rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
>
>6. You must know that "I-25 and the Valley Hwy." are
>the same road. Same goes for Hampden & Highway 285.
>
>7. North and south only vaguely resemble the real
>direction of certain streets such as Speer Blvd.
>
>8. Highway 285 runs north, south, east and west and
>every direction in between; it can be found in every
>section of the Denver area to make navigating
>interesting.
>
>9. Construction is a permanent fixture. The barrels
>are moved around in the middle of the night to make
>the next days driving a bit more exciting.
>
>10. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as
>drunks, jay-walkers, pan-handlers, skunks, dogs,
>barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces
>of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits,
>prairie dogs and crows or vultures feeding on any of
>these items; and lets not forget rock slides and
>avalanches on I-70.
>
>11. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches for your
>vehicle is recommended for city driving. Lots of
>"stuff" falls off or falls from something.
>
>12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave
>them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it
>has been "accidentally activated."
>
>13. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways --
>I-25, I-76, I-225, US 285/Hampden, Hwys 87 and 36 is
>85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
>This is Colorado's version of NASCAR. The difference
>is some drivers are armed and irritable!
>
>14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It maybe
>hazardous to your health)
>
>15. If you are in the left lane and are going only 70
>in a 55-65 zone...you are considered a road hazard,
>and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
>
>16. The trend in recent years indicates if it's 70
>degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
>
>17. If it's snowing, it could well be the week after
>Memorial Day.
>
>18. Highway 36 to and from Boulder is called the
>"Turnpike." No other highway is called the Turnpike.
>If someone refers to another highway as a Turnpike,
>tell them to go back to the East.
>
>19. If someone refers to a highway with the article
>"the," as in, "The 25" tell them to go back to
>California.
>
>20. A red light means four more cars can go through.
>Not three, not five. Four.
>
>21. Lincoln Street is a major route into Downtown and
>runs north and south. Lincoln Ave. is now a major
>route on the south end of town, but the two never
>meet.
>
>22. University and Colorado are two boulevards that
>run parallel. Geometry not working in the suburbs,
>these streets intersect south of C-470.
>
>23. When you see an orange cone, you must stop and
>then move slowly until there are no more cones. There
>need not be construction, only cones.
>
>24. By state law, there will be a rollover accident in
>the median on C-470 between Quebec St. and Santa Fe
>Drive no less often than once every other business
>day.
>
>25. Despite the fact that Colorado Boulevard is a
>straight line from I-70 to I-25, it is not a shortcut,
>especially at rush hour. Same goes for University,
>which changes names three times anyway.
>
>26. Merging rules:
>
>(a) Under no circumstances should you ever allow
>anyone, in any way, to get in front of you. No more
>than one car length must be between you and the one in
>front of you, as rear-end collisions happen to other
>people. If traffic is merging into one lane, then you
>better make dang sure you hug the back bumper of the
>car in front of you, because you can't let anyone "cut
>in."
>
>(b) When merging onto a highway, ignore the
>acceleration lane entirely and move directly into
>traffic as quickly as possible, regardless of the fact
>that your current speed may be as low as 35MPH. This
>is especially true if you are driving a "land yacht"
>or some other vehicle that has low acceleration.
>
>(c) Certainly you should never speed up to merge, even
>if you stay in the "acceleration lane."
>
>(d) Assume, when your lane ends, that everyone will
>get out of your way. You don't even need to signal
>that you are moving to the next lane over. Just drive
>to the end of the lane you are in and suddenly move to
>the next lane, whether there is a car next to you or
>not is irrelevant. You are driving the only car that
>counts.
>
>27. NEVER yield at a yield sign. The yield sign is
>like an appendix, it once had a purpose, but nobody
>can remember what it was.
>
>28. When the roads are wet for any reason, assume that
>all traffic laws are void. Stop signs, red lights,
>etc. are mere decoration if it is snowing.
>
>29. Four wheel drive vehicles can drive as fast as
>they want no matter what the road conditions are;
>doubly so if the driver is talking on a cell phone at
>the same time.
>
>30. Highlands Ranch comes with its own rules. Like
>most suburbs, they have only four actual street names,
>and then differentiate them with street types like
>Road, Drive, Court, Trail, Turn, Deadend, Way, Path,
>Meandering, etc. Unlike most cities, however, there
>are double solid white lines at some intersections.
>Crossing the lines will get you a ticket in Highlands
>Ranch. Speeding, no, but crossing those lines WILL get
>you a ticket.
>
>31. Just because a street on the east side of town has
>the same name as a street on the west side, does not
>mean you can drive on that one street to get from
>Denver east to Denver west. See 6th Ave., Alameda,
>Orchard, etc. There is only one exception: Colfax.
>
>32. When you see the sign for the exit you need, aim
>for the right shoulder, as many times additional lanes
>will spring up fully formed between you and the ramp
>you want. This is especially true at DIA when you are
>heading toward the East terminal.
>
>33. When you have finished changing lanes on either
>I-70 or I-25, hit the brakes.
>
>34. When giving directions, be no more specific than
>"Near the intersection of. . ." If you are half a mile
>away from the intersection, that's fine. Always give
>directions with reference to the mountains,
>i.e. "turn towards the mountains," even when giving
>directions at night or downtown where you can't see
>the mountains.
>
>35. Although it takes just 3 cars to create a traffic
>jam on I-25 around Thornton Pkwy., state law requires
>all drivers in the northern suburbs to get onto I-25
>on Friday afternoon. This fosters the image of Denver
>as a bustling city of industry.
>
>36. Don't ask what that smell is at US 85 and I-270.
>You do not want to know. If small children ask what
>the smell is as you go past the dog food factory on
>I-70, say something vaguely scientific, such as "It's
>just photosynthesis."
>
>37. Any activity downtown is surrounded by eight other
>activities downtown; if you find a close parking
>space, treasure it like gold.
>
>38. You can head west and turn north while taking the
>exit from southbound US 285 to westbound C-470. You
>can drive southeastbound on the Northwest Parkway. The
>sign from Santa Fe southbound to Hampden westbound
>reads "South." This is why Denver directions are
>"out," "up," "in," "down" and sometimes "over."

[WCURoverD90]

LMAO.....

[llesra]

LMAO

[FrankyRizzo]

Change the name of the streets and it sounds like Vegas.