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04-20-2007, 06:57 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Wheeler
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 1,841
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Dog's Diary vs. Cat's Diary
Dog's Diary
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing in the world! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing in the world! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing in the world! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing in the world! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing in the world! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing in the world! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing in the world! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing in the world! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Excerpts from a Cat's Diary Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow *but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now .
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2001 DII - "Molly" 1995 DI - "Mary" |
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04-20-2007, 07:46 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Mostly Harmless
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 11,455
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 That is hilarious! You almost have to visualize the cat speaking quietly in perhaps a spanish accent....haha!
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*Kellijo* 98 D1  'If we worry too much about ourselves, we won't have time for others.' |
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04-23-2007, 05:15 PM
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#6 (permalink) |
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Proud to be an Infidel
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 1,136
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That was quite good........as much as I disdain cats (comes from being clawed as a 7 y/o).....
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2001 Disco SE7 .......eventually they will run out of suicide bombers..... |
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