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03-07-2006, 10:18 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
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Sipping Vodka
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" 12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. 
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tim adopting a child shaping a life 
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03-07-2006, 10:31 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Elephantitis penisitis
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,439
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Thanks Tim! I just had to dodge the lightening bolt for laughing...
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What? Is this where I'm supposed to write some profound statement that boggles the intellect of the genius that you think you are? Why would I waste my time with that when I can be getting free lap dances from your sister AND your girlfriend at the same time? |
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03-07-2006, 10:34 AM
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#3 (permalink) | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,451
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Quote:
i thought you had to dodge the big bolts because of sheep.......... 
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tim adopting a child shaping a life
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03-07-2006, 10:38 AM
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#4 (permalink) | |
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Elephantitis penisitis
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,439
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Quote:
One of MANY reasons....
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What? Is this where I'm supposed to write some profound statement that boggles the intellect of the genius that you think you are? Why would I waste my time with that when I can be getting free lap dances from your sister AND your girlfriend at the same time? |
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03-07-2006, 11:12 AM
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#7 (permalink) | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,451
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Quote:
No ........no phase for this here fella...........hell he has stump broke more newbies here then I care to remember...... 
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tim adopting a child shaping a life
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03-07-2006, 11:19 AM
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#8 (permalink) | |
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Elephantitis penisitis
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 5,439
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Quote:
The doctor is "grooming"...no comments from those of you who took Psych 101 please...
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What? Is this where I'm supposed to write some profound statement that boggles the intellect of the genius that you think you are? Why would I waste my time with that when I can be getting free lap dances from your sister AND your girlfriend at the same time? |
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03-07-2006, 11:54 AM
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#11 (permalink) | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,451
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Quote:
Try to remember when you think of the X-man 
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tim adopting a child shaping a life
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03-07-2006, 12:26 PM
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#12 (permalink) | |
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Rocky Mountain High
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 10,050
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Don't Take Life to Serious, You'll Never Get Out Alive "Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from" Quote:
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03-07-2006, 01:01 PM
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#13 (permalink) | |
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Mostly Harmless
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 11,496
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Quote:
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03-07-2006, 01:17 PM
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#14 (permalink) | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,451
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Quote:
dont say that with the X round
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tim adopting a child shaping a life
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